I am a planner.

I am a list maker and checker off-er.

I get shit done.  Slow and steady.

This year I have the same planner I have (not) used the last several years.  I start out just fine and then . . . I stop.  Why would that be?

I gave it some time in meditation and long cold walks with Dexter and I had a glint of insight.

The planner ends up being for everyone else's plans.  The kids' schedules, Eric's schedule, even the frigging vet appointments make MY planner.  But not my own plans, my hopes, my deep desires and passionate longings. Somehow along the way, I stopped planning my life despite getting the planner.  

A disconnect.

This is how I know this year will be different for me.  I'm taking back planning my life.  I'm putting myself into my own planner.  My hopes, desires, wants, needs, passions.

How am I doing?

2 days in and I feel like I can live out the desires of my heart and the practice that makes my soul sing.  My planner is divided with family stuff and my stuff with a strong balance.  Some days will be kid heavy and some days will be Renee heavy with every day filled with love--and so it is.

I can't believe I didn't post yesteday.  It was a crazy day . . . my oldest spent New Year's Eve downtown Chicago, the littles wanted pizza and we watched the ball drop with a bit of bubbly.  

Even though my son wasn't with me, I still felt connected.  At midnight we exchanged texts and I thought of all the NYE's for 16 plus years--bittersweet.  I had a quiet moment and thought of all my loved ones that I couldn't be with.  

The day was a blur but that moment at midnight was crystal clear.

Today was incredibly busy.  Writing, organizing rooms, night stands, books, planners, so busy the kids and I forgot to eat lunch!  My oldest came home safetly on the train.  All is well.

Lessons Learned:

We need to slow down and make a plan otherwise we don't know where we are going.  I created space for habits to form leading to goals being met.  

When we have a really good map, bumps in the road won't matter.  I have a good map of 2018.

Slow and steady wins the race.

Being alone creates clarity.

A great first day to an amazing year.  Let's do this!

Making the baby was easy.

Growing the baby was easy.

Giving birth . . . that was tricky for a few of the kids.

The early years of cloth diapers, homemade baby food, educational toys, endless time outside was easy, tiring, but easy.

Tweens, teenagers, young adults--that's frigging hard.  Every day is a mix of loving too much, not enough, setting boundaries, crossing boundaries.  

I am a gentle, loving, kind, respectful, compassionate and curious mother.  Some days are harder than others and some days I'm a Rock Star and others not so much.  

Parenting is cumulative.

Parenting is unconditional love.

Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done and the most rewarding.

I was born to be a mom.

What's my plan for 2018?

Lots and lots of writing.  A few handmade prayer chords. Quiet time to honor each day.  

A year of to enter each moment with mindfulness.  This is my practice.

1000 miles.

In 36 hours.

Hours and hours of transformers DVD's playing.

The best coffee and the worst coffee.

Success on all fronts. 

Good to get away, good to be back.