Did you know I write for a publication called Medium?  It's an amazing place for writers and readers!

Finding My Worth is a story that I published on Medium.  It is about the journey that I'm writing about but I think many of us are living.  I am the writer for our story.

Finding my Worth

a lesson in the importance of writing

I had been approved as a Writer for the Publication on Medium called Writer Mom. My first submission was a stretch and was declined. I decided to wait for life to happen . . . for life to give me a great submission and it delivered. The essay weaved motherhood, mindfulness and menopause in a way I had never intended, so we know it is from the Divine. It was a transformation moment where life stops and we have those “before and after” moments.

Thank you Kurt!

An OL friend commented on my most vulnerable post and this was my reply:

The only way to describe it is like this: I was born perfect in the image of the Divine and life kept chipping away at me until I wasn’t recognizable. The last decade I’ve been gathering those bits of me: cleaning, polishing, rubbing off the jagged edges, unknowingly under the watchful eye of the Divine. I’m reborn and ready to get to work. Thank you so much for your support.

Kurt is on my team. Kurt knows my heart. I need more Kurts. Kurt brings out the best in me.

I Discovered My Worth Through Community

I’ve found my self with a hodge podge of people in my life that love and support me. A motley crew that I could not and would not have picked. They have each entered my life in such a random way. Frank McKinley, Jewel Eliese, Dawn Benson Jones, Grammy Dawney Glenn, and of course Kurt.

In this online business world we are told to find our tribe . . . of course I do every thing ass backwards and my tribe has found me.

Maybe, that is how it should be? Rather than looking for love in all the wrong places . . .

maybe we should let love find us.

Maybe, I’m a girl who is loved in a special way by the very people whom help me find each fragment? Once I find a bit of myself then maybe someone else enters my life to help me polish, clean or work on those jagged edges. In this chaos, the Divine has the master plan.

Maybe, this is what love is?

Love is where we all walk each other home.

Hint: Every season of our lives has a common thread

I do what I love!

I’ve always been asked “How can you be so happy?” In a life that has been riddled with yucky situations, broken hearts, death, being abused, dishonored, disrespected . . . the list goes on and on.

You know what?

It doesn’t matter what happens to me, it matters how I respond and I choose love.

My response has always been to do what I love and be loving. Always.

The Seasons of My Life

The 20’s

In my 20’s I did it all. I graduated college, fell in love way too many times, had my own catering company, worked as a pastry chef, I had the honor to be a cancer researcher, hospital administrator, lived on a farm, became a freelance writer, ran 1/2 marathons for fun, cleaned houses, was homeless, worked 2nd shift in a nursing home, went back to school to get a MS in toxicology, worked at so many restaurants and delis in Ann Arbor . . . the common thread is I stepped into each role with unlimited energy, excitement and understood the potential of the moment. Each opportunity was teaching me what I needed to know for the next opportunity.

The 30's

In my 30’s I focused more on my writing — freelancing and working as a contract medical writer for several pharmaceutical companies (at the same time). Once again I went back to school, this time for Early Childhood Education and started working with kids with special needs. It felt right.

I settled down, got married and started a family. The time was right and a dream come true to be a Mom. I quit work, never looked back and enjoyed every moment with my babies. I adored being a Mom.

The 40's

In my 40’s I continued to have a few more kids. Being a full time mom was exactly how I wanted to “do” motherhood. Homemade baby food, cloth diapers, exploring the arts, culture, swimming, having daily adventures with my growing brood was my passion. I had never felt more alive and fulfilled.

I never once questioned what I was doing with my life. Sure people told me I was doing things wrong, that I needed to do this or that — but I ignored them because I was in my glory. I was doing what I loved. Everyday.

The late 40’s early 50's

During this time I did become restless. I stopped listening to my own voice that told me that motherhood was the perfect vocation for me. I fell into the trap of the internet, Social Media and the naysayers who thought I should try and monetize this life I loved. They said everyone would want the joy that I had. Foolishly I believed them.

Joy comes from within — you can’t buy, borrow or steal it. You can’t teach it. You feel it.

The Trap

I took a few online classes that insured that I would make money if I followed their guidelines . . . guess what. It didn’t work.

You know why?

My purpose can’t be monetized. My love of life, my wanting a beautiful looking table with fresh flowers from my garden, my desire to love and understand my children and husband with unconditional love, my loyalty to my friends . . . that is priceless.

I did try. I built the websites. I started the business. I worked tirelessly on getting followers and building my email lists. I hated every second of it. I was told I had to do more. Create the membership site, have a webinar, build a course. None of that is me.

I lost sight of my purpose, to live a life of love.

What now?

I’m living fully and writing again without expectations.

I’m published now in two books. I write about mindful living. I have plans for writing my own books.

I love my family and cook amazing meals. I grow my own food. I may actually complete a knitting project this year.

I create the most meaningful and beautiful jewelry I have ever seen — each piece is born of my imagination and my own hands.

I’m so happy. I’ve never been happier.

I create and love — that’s my purpose.

The Season of Now

This current season of my life is about living each moment in a mindful way. To meet each moment with love. To cast away worry about what I will do next because I know in my heart, the next right thing will present itself. An idea will come to me and I’ll write. A vision will flash before my eyes and I will create it in metal and gems. The seasonal harvest offers a culinary challenge.

I no longer listen to the people who tell me I need to monetize, membershipize, or get a zillion followers. What I need to do is placed before me and I will joyfully and lovingly create.

Full Time Mom

I love my job as full time Mom. It is what fuels my passion. I have no desire to be anywhere else. The only thing I’ve ever wanted to be is my kids mom.

Part Time Writer

Writing part time on my own terms is the perfect for this season of my life. I am free to write about mindfulness from the most mindful place — my loving home.

Part Time Jewelry Designer

Rubies, opals, the blow torch, hammers, saws, the smell of incense as I work. I am able to create works of art that help people on their own spiritual path. Does it get better than that?

My Common Thread

Creating, learning, growing (literally and figuratively), re-doing, starting over, seeing the beauty in everything my eyes gaze upon — these are my common threads that have woven a life of incredible opportunities and experiences. I love this life.

What about you?

I invite you to write out the common threads in your own seasons. I’m sure you will see what you love, what lights you up, when you feel your best — that my friend is your purpose.

Don’t Discount Anything

I had a friend, Ken. He was a taxi driver and the best one in the world. He love meeting new people. He loved driving. He loved his life. When Ken was put in a nursing home that didn’t stop him for connecting with people, he knew every name of every person who came into his room, their pets names, sibling and where they went on vacation. When you met Ken, you felt like you met your best friend. That was his gift.

He didn’t make a million dollars but he did change the life of everyone he met. What an extraordinary life he had.

I know another man, a teacher. He is gentle, loving, kind and humble. He changes the life of his students everyday. He loves history and shares that with his students in such a beautiful way they want to learn more. He turns on the learning button for kids, his ripple effect will never end.

The list of people that I know, and probably you know goes on and on. When you meet someone who is doing what they are supposed to do . . . love overflows.

I could go on and on with the many people who understand the common thread or purpose in their life. They let meeting new people, humbleness, or love permeate everything they did.

Take Your Time

Life is not a sprint. Be still. Quiet your mind. Take a walk outside. Whatever it takes for you to take a look at your life from your own lens. Sit with this idea of what you will do with this one miracle of a life.

I trust that you will be shown your purpose for this season of your life.

Be Blessed as you are a blessing.

Until we meet again.

So much to be thankful for.

Great food.

A fun family.

Continuing to clean out what doesn't serve us.

Melting snow.

Finally having the outline for the book!!!  Now just writing. Making dreams come true between breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Until we meet again.

Mass at the High School today.  Always amazing to be around 1200 kids worshiping--even though some of them aren't . . . they are there and that is half of the equation to a spiritual journey.  Showing up.

Father Snow had a very simple homily.

To be good at anything, you must first learn to listen.

Parents.

Teachers.

Doctors.

Laywers.

Kids.

Everyone.  

It reminded me of Stephen Covey's habit:  seek first to understand and then be understood.

That is my goal.  To step out of judgement and into pondering what is really going on, dig deep, seeing with a quiet heart not a busy mind.

Until we meet again.

Is it day 3 of the full force basement project?

 I think so.

I woke up early, had my usual morning routine--including the 30-minute elliptical workout, despite a sore butt and calves.  I did it anyway.  

You know what?  

It was so easy today that I didn't even realize my time was up.  How crazy is that?  Granted, I'm not doing 5-minute miles up Mt. Everest . . . but I've not used the elliptical with any regularity since last spring.  I love being outside and not in the basement.

Especially a basement that is cluttered and unorganized.  

Recently I wrote an article on Medium about grabbing 2018 by the cojones and making it a great year--but I have a few things that are standing in my way.  A few things that are bigger than me.  Like . . . going through everything that I have boxed up in the basement and deciding if I will ever knit that sweater, make that baby scrapbook, sew that quilt and countless other odds and ends.  I thought of them as failures or reminders of the life that I wanted to live but couldn't.  The dread of the going through the stuff has overwhelming for me, the personal disappointment for projects undone and money spent.  

This situation that I have found myself in is not a new one.  In my adult life, I have almost always had a storage unit OR a large part of the house that was used for storage.  

And it isn't until just writing this, as I'm thinking back to . . .  when I began storing my life in boxes. Living out of boxes.  Homeless in my own home.  Uggghh.  At this time, I can't share all the thoughts that just through my mind but one day I will.  Sorting through life, sorting through boxes, deciding what to keep, what to pitch, what to give away AND the most important thing:

Getting rid of what was never mine but somehow I ended up with it.