I woke up this morning at 3:26 in a panic.

Did I write yesterday?  Did I vlog?  Did I post photos on Instagram?

Christmas day was a complete blur.  An incredible breakfast of freshly baked pastries, my favorite coffee from Michigan, presents, lots of worrying to make sure everyone was happy, an elaborate snack tray of fruits, cheese, and meats--with interesting mustards.  More presents . . . a fabulous dinner.  Poundcake for dessert.

A fire in the fireplace.

The day could not have been fuller or more perfect.  I fell into bed, dozing off as the kids were telling me what a great day it was.  Picture perfect.

Then 3:26 came.

The cat staring at me like I completely messed up and the dog rolling over groaning "it can't be time to get up."

My hands checked the website and my mind began to run through the day.  I felt pulled in opposite directions. 

Hands/Head 

Sleep/Awake

Remembering/Forgetting

Goals/Failure

You see, I had this idea of writing on this blog every day.  Sharing a bit of wisdom that shows up naturally.

You know what?

It is not wise to set a daily goal, habit, practice without grace built in. 

What is wise is to set an intention.  That looks very much like a goal, habit, practice.  My intention is to share in a natural way the wisdom of living a mindful, loving joy-filled life.  That is not getting up at 3:26 in a panic.

Options

I could have written a post and possibly backdated it.  Not my style.

I could have written a post and said I just went to bed . . . again, squeezing the truth.  Not my style.

Or, I could just sit and attempt to find the lesson.  The wisdom in the moment.  The universal truth.  

The Lesson

I'm still working out the lesson and I just don't have the words to make coherent thoughts into sentences.  The theme is doing what I am called to do, doing it my way and understanding my place up to this point in time. I hope that by thinking it over for another day or two it will make sense enough to share it.  The other option is to call in one of my interpreters--someone who speaks Renee.

Let's keep walking each other home.