I am a planner.

I am a list maker and checker off-er.

I get shit done.  Slow and steady.

This year I have the same planner I have (not) used the last several years.  I start out just fine and then . . . I stop.  Why would that be?

I gave it some time in meditation and long cold walks with Dexter and I had a glint of insight.

The planner ends up being for everyone else's plans.  The kids' schedules, Eric's schedule, even the frigging vet appointments make MY planner.  But not my own plans, my hopes, my deep desires and passionate longings. Somehow along the way, I stopped planning my life despite getting the planner.  

A disconnect.

This is how I know this year will be different for me.  I'm taking back planning my life.  I'm putting myself into my own planner.  My hopes, desires, wants, needs, passions.

How am I doing?

2 days in and I feel like I can live out the desires of my heart and the practice that makes my soul sing.  My planner is divided with family stuff and my stuff with a strong balance.  Some days will be kid heavy and some days will be Renee heavy with every day filled with love--and so it is.

Making the baby was easy.

Growing the baby was easy.

Giving birth . . . that was tricky for a few of the kids.

The early years of cloth diapers, homemade baby food, educational toys, endless time outside was easy, tiring, but easy.

Tweens, teenagers, young adults--that's frigging hard.  Every day is a mix of loving too much, not enough, setting boundaries, crossing boundaries.  

I am a gentle, loving, kind, respectful, compassionate and curious mother.  Some days are harder than others and some days I'm a Rock Star and others not so much.  

Parenting is cumulative.

Parenting is unconditional love.

Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done and the most rewarding.

I was born to be a mom.

I'm loving the nickname Five Minute Mindfulness Mom! Let's call it 5MMM for short.  

This week we began our 5 minutes of quiet time each day and I've had some great feedback.  In today's session I read a prayer and I wanted to share it here too.  It is simple.  It is beautiful.  It is exactly what we need.

Feel free to print it out, add it to the background of your phone . . . take a screenshot--what ever it takes to bring yourself back to center and remember to begin with mindfulness.

When two worlds come together it is a beautiful moment.

I am the neutral ground.